Another Other’s Day

It’s been a couple years since I wrote my “Other’s Day” post. Since that day, I’ve heard from so many people about their own challenges with fertility and confusing relationships with traditional motherhood.

Uncertainty around becoming a mother and/or the inability to make it a reality is a lonely feeling. Even though more women are opening up about their decision not to have kids, the pressure (perceived or otherwise) is still very real. 

While I’m solid in my choice to not be a mom, it doesn’t mean I don’t think about and second-guess it. 

A couple days ago, I was with a group of young women and one had recently made her pregnancy “Facebook-official.” Everyone who saw her was like, “Congrats, girl! So happy for you! You’re going to be such a cute pregnant lady!” 

Though I’m nearly five years past my pregnancy losses and infertility circus, there are unexpected moments that still pop up and sting. This was one of them. It caught me off-guard. I’ve been around dozens of pregnant ladies in the … Read the rest

Thing #24 – Other’s Day

I remember the Mother’s Day after my first miscarriage. I went about my usual Sunday routine – morning walk, yoga, coffee, writing. I sat in the coffeeshop, watching men my age maneuver strollers through the door, instructing their sticky toddlers pick out the perfect scones to “bring home to mommy.” Some loitered around the coffeeshop for an extra half hour to grant their wives a small dose of Mother’s Day alone time.

I felt angry and resentful that day, thinking about the injustice of my situation and how this was also supposed to be my day of celebration. Nonetheless, I smugly left the coffeeshop knowing I had more than 30 short minutes of disposable time that day to do whatever the hell I wanted. In silence. And non-stickiness.

The Mother’s Day after my second loss wasn’t much better. One thing I’ve learned is that grief is sneaky. I recall being in Target looking at Mother’s Day cards. I got so angry I left the store without anything. Which honestly, is a pretty astonishing feat at … Read the rest