When I started this blog, it was for a very particular reason – to explore Minnesota bakeries and capture stories of bakers and their towns. A few short months after I birthed that idea, I moved to Missouri and my blog vision was forced to evolve. Ultimately it evolved into a place where I did less exploring of pastries and more exploring of the twists and turns of life.
Writing is always how I’ve made sense of my world. I have twenty years of journals stacked in my closet. I constantly pull up the notes app on my phone to get swirly thoughts out of my brain and onto the objective black-and-white of the screen.
The past few years have given me lots to ponder. I’ve navigated significant personal life events, we’ve had a major collective upheaval as a society and if you’re like me, you’ve been taking stock of what matters. I’ve been writing but haven’t been great at publishing and posting my observations.
I love the idea of things. In fact, I get more excited about the “idea” of things than the thing itself. Reading books, having a boyfriend and shopping at IKEA – these are all examples of things that sound great in the theory, but when I do them I quickly realize I’d rather be doing something else.
Similarly, I love the idea of eating vegetables. And it’s not that I don’t love vegetables, because I really do. Ending the day with meditative chopping and a glass of wine is one of my favorite pastimes. However, there are days that I’m like, “Seriously? Kale? Are kale and a weird can of beans all I have in the house right now?” And after a long day, even though it’s objectively delicious, your girl is NOT pumped about tossing together a white bean and kale salad. In those moments, my sweet love affair with veggies ends with me ghosting my kale and ultimately throwing it away, heavy with guilt.
It’s been a couple years since I wrote my “Other’s Day” post. Since that day, I’ve heard from so many people about their own challenges with fertility and confusing relationships with traditional motherhood.
Uncertainty around becoming a mother and/or the inability to make it a reality is a lonely feeling. Even though more women are opening up about their decision not to have kids, the pressure (perceived or otherwise) is still very real.
While I’m solid in my choice to not be a mom, it doesn’t mean I don’t think about and second-guess it.
A couple days ago, I was with a group of young women and one had recently made her pregnancy “Facebook-official.” Everyone who saw her was like, “Congrats, girl! So happy for you! You’re going to be such a cute pregnant lady!”
Though I’m nearly five years past my pregnancy losses and infertility circus, there are unexpected moments that still pop up and sting. This was one of them. It caught me off-guard. I’ve been around dozens of pregnant ladies in the … Read the rest
In a recent text exchange with a friend about big life topics, he said, completely unprovoked, “I have so much room for improvement.”
It struck me because when I look at him, I only see a trove of admirable and enviable attributes. I replied, “Sure, we all think that. But you already have a ton of incredible strengths and maybe you should capitalize on those.” He thanked me for the reminder.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we need reminders? All day we forget about or downplay our strengths because we’re bombarded by both overt and sneaky messages that we aren’t enough. (insert your own brand of “enough” here – wealthy, thin, happy, strong, social-media famous, productive, organized…)
We put so much energy into what we’re not, and without realizing it, our limited energy pours into these perceived deficits, and we neglect our abundance.
In the book “Big Magic,” Elizabeth Gilbert writes about creativity and abundance. She says, “…continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you … Read the rest
I spend a great deal of time thinking about leadership. Specifically how it ping-pongs from rewarding and inspiring, to terrible and deflating, often within the same hour.
For me, the past year has illuminated the wonderful and awful importance of being an authentic leader. The kind of leader that takes their mask off to be a whole, vulnerable person.
There’s an unspoken lie floating around that leaders need to have it all figured out. That we need to keep it together so everyone else can keep it together. Sure, we need to bring steadiness to the storm. But sometimes you gotta read the room.
Rewind to late-May 2020…
We were months into what we thought would be a two-month pandemic, my organization had just gone through a staff reduction and our country was literally ablaze as we tackled racial injustice with a fervor our generation hadn’t before seen.
On top of this, my dad had been alone in the hospital for weeks, my aunt just passed away from an aggressive cancer, my friends and family … Read the rest
“An empty carton of Pall Mall cigarettes. Of course!” I laughed to myself and kept walking down the sidewalk. It’s in these moments I wished I could reach out and let him know.
“Him” being this dude I dated on-and-off for way too long. My latest garbage-day discoveries from “QAnon Neighbor’s” recycling bin was one of maybe three things we had actual conversations about. Why did I try so hard to make something stick with him? And why does it aggravate me that he’s no longer part of my life? Like, block-and-ignore-me out of my life.
I’m annoyed because I’ve had a successful track record of keeping former boyfriends as friends. I’ve never understood where the love goes at the end of a relationship. Like your soul reincarnating when you die, my past loves mostly reincarnate as besties with whom I can eat massive quantities of bar food.
I agree it’s not always a healthy or realistic choice. And everyone’s entitled to spend their emotional energy in a way that aligns with their boundaries. … Read the rest